Favorite Quotation

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
...Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

Friday, December 31, 2010

This is for me... Not really for you.

This week I had a post all written and ready to be posted on Tuesday. It was going to post automatically yesterday (Thursday) but it didn't feel right so I stopped it. I didn't know what I wanted to post until today. Today I want to say things that are for me. Things that I wish I would have said in the moment. These things are not to one person, group, company or thing. If you figure out who/what I am talking to I might confirm but this post is mainly for me. This is how I have felt over the 2010 year.

P.S. You do not have to read these and don't take offense I am thinking of things that really happened and they do not apply to all circumstances. 

  • Thank you... I do not know what I would do without you. I am sorry to have been so distant but you always come through.
  • You are a JERK. I am perfectly ok with you not keeping promises that you made to me. I know the reasons and have seen how things have developed. That gave you no right to make promises that you had no intention of keeping.
  • You have no idea what our talk meant to me. Really we only talked the once, it was awesome, you let me put it all on the table without questioning motives. This world needs people like you. It wasn't take you felt sorry for me or that you didn't care. I didn't really know you but you sat you accepted and you didn't put on an act.
  • This is an odd thing to say, after all you are younger than I am but when I grow up I want to be just like you. I want to have what your parents have and I want to embrace life like you do.
  • You really don't know how I feel about you, you might have gotten a clue at one time or another but I don't think you comprehend it. I think you could but I also think that you don't want to.
  • It has been hard, most of the problems started during the summer time. You cared enough to see how I was doing most days and especially after my doctors visits. |
  • This is not how I wanted it to be. I know I messed up. I was a jerk and I really didn't do anything to make it up to you. I still think my actions were justified I might change of couple of things but in general I am sticking to my point, the one that you never tried to understand.
  • Unacceptable. It hurts more than I can say. You will never know that it hurts. I will smile, I will do my part. I will put on a show because you can never know the truth.
  • Things will never be the same. This year was not when our problems began. Things have always been a little shaky, but this year more than once I have felt almost overwhelmed because of you.
  • I miss you. I have all year. What happened? Why did we let it happen?
I guess that is enough. Ten Things I wish I would have said to someone or something during 2010. I am ok with this post. It still feels like it is missing something but this will be posted.
Posted by Derek at 6:00 PM

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